Dancing on rooftops

I’ve been feeling frustrated today because I wrote a great post over the weekend, didn’t save it, and then my computer starting acting up and I lost it. So needless to say, after losing what I thought was “the post”, the writer’s block has been at a new high.

But then I thought, well the post probably didn’t save because it wasn’t as good as it should’ve been and probably didn’t clearly reveal what this one will.

So I’m going to talk to you about love and letting go (and holding on).

All of this has been on my mind since the other night. Thursday to be exact – when I went to dinner with a girlfriend, which helped me get out of a funk I was in last week. After dinner I hung around the restaurant talking to some of the servers and drinking mimosas. Time passed by and I ended up somewhere that night that was totally unexpected and insanely beautiful.

It’s funny how being spontaneous with a complete stranger doesn’t feel strange at all. Not when that stranger is different. When the stranger isn’t a stranger at all, but someone you feel like you’ve known your entire life.

It’s just different.

This feeling brought me back to a place that I’ve been kind of far from lately. My free and fearless place. Like I said, I was in a funk last week. For some awful reason I was letting every teeny tiny thing get to me. I couldn’t shake it for the life of me and was going insane. I was irritable, snippy, bitchy and just plain down.

And of course, I know why this funk was happening. I’ve been going through a “break up” lately that has left me in a weird place. Probably weird because it wasn’t a traditional relationship to begin with and we both still really care about each other. But the thing is, you have to know when to let go in relationships. You have to trust your heart and make the decisions that are healthy and ultimately going to help you grow and be happy.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it’s extremely complicated with a mutual “break up”. But, that doesn’t mean it has to be a bad or negative thing. Instead, I’ve had the opportunity for this to be an amazing thing for me. To have someone I trust and love help guide me in the right direction with honesty while leaving me so that he could do the same for himself is a rare gift. It’s weird how no matter what you’ll always want the people you’ve truly loved to be happy while also knowing they’re never really that far from your heart.

This entire situation of letting go is indeed the idea that nothing really lasts forever. We are meant to go through relationships as we grow and change throughout our lives so that we become who God has intended us to be with time, lots of trial and error, and lots of wins. We meet and love the people in our lives for many different reasons and it’s up to us to understand what role each person is meant to play. This can be scary and confusing, but if you truly listen to your heart and core feelings, you’ll know the answers. Whether you like it or not.

The most important thing I’ve gotten out of the last 2 years of my life (from leaving a long term serious relationship to right now in this moment) is that you can never ever be too honest or too open. As long as you are being true to you there is nothing that can stand in the way of your happiness.

So to top all of this off – I came across this song today. This absolutely perfect song. And I am happy. I am understanding day by day to listen to my heart more, to go with what feels right and be completely honest. And you know what? Even in times of doubt or sadness or just short funks, life is so beautiful.

Hailey HeishmanComment