Comparison is a b!tch
Throughout the day today I read three different messages / quotes that really resonated with me. They came from the hearts and minds of three incredible women that I truly admire. I don’t know them, have never met them, but still feel a strange connection to each of them. Like, if we ran into each other we’d immediately be friends. Isn’t that crazy how the digital world can make you feel like you know someone THAT well?! It’s weird, creepy and wonderful.
From what these three women had to say, I started writing this and couldn’t stop. I have a lot to say when it comes to self love so I’m sure much more will be coming. But for now, whether this is a reminder, briefing, truth bomb, or reality check for you, I hope it helps.
“There is no such thing as “should have”. You are where you are and what’s done is done. Do the best you can with what life has given you in this moment! Let go of the idea that the past could have been different. It couldn’t have – because it wasn’t. The time is now. N O W ! Don’t waste time thinking of the what if’s; instead, spend today taking the steps needed to create a life you’re proud of. There is nothing holding you back. Everything you need to move forward you already have. Get started! What are you waiting for? Really?” – Rachel Brathen
We follow celebrities, influencers, and people whom we perceive to be “doing it better” than us. We like their photos, watch their every move on snapchat and buy what they buy because they clearly know something we don’t about clothes, skincare, haircare, health, etc. We give them praise and endlessly strive to be more like them without asking ourselves why. Why do we feel these people deserve more praise or love than we give to ourselves?
It’s not just famous people we compare ourselves to though. We also do this in our daily lives with friends and “people you may know”. Our partner’s ex, our friend’s friends, our coworkers, the woman at the grocery store who looks like she has it all together with her business clothes, nice handbag and cart full of vegetables. In reality, we’re all just moving day-by-day trying to figure it out. Every single one of us. And even though we don’t have it all figured out, I do know one thing: We are all incredibly unique and have a purpose.
We’re constantly looking to other people for validation and clues on how we should act and behave. We obsess over weird stuff like plump lips, bootys, or who’s doing what every minute of the day, instead of obsessing over what we could be doing to be better versions of ourselves. (AKA putting your energy toward things that make you feel better and allow you to grow).
“Role models are useful. They are lighthouses when dream-chasing gets cloudy, they are proof of stamina and magic. But emulation is tricky terrain. I have a friend, an aspiring novelist and brilliant writer in her own right, who said to me once that she wanted to be the “Canadian Anne Lamott,” I said, “Why don’t you just be the global You?”
Comparison is a slippery slope to envy and for the most part, envy wastes energy that could be put towards getting what you want or optimizing what you have. It’s a trap. I used to envy trust-fund babies and my friends with rich parents. “Poor me…no leg-up, born into an average family, gotta be self-made…” Yack. Whatta waste of mind space – space that could be filled with creativity and ingenuity.” -Danielle LaPorte
You can scroll through Facebook and instagram all day looking at other people traveling / working out / whatever you’re into, and dream about what that life must be like and what you can do to be more like that. Maybe you think to yourself “I’m going to start working out and eating better because that’s what they do and they look happy and vibrant.” That’s great, but it doesn’t mean anything unless you actually start doing something to make improvements TO BETTER YOURSELF, FOR YOURSELF.
Admiration vs Envy
respect and warm approval.
“their admiration for each other was genuine”
a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.
“she felt a twinge of envy for the people on board”
There’s a thin thin line between admiration and envy. LIKE, super thin! So instead of looking to other people to provide your “how-to be happy guide”, sit down and really think about what would make you the most happy. What do you truly want? How do you want to feel? I know (and hope) you’re not going to say “I want to feel like Taylor Swift. I want her life!” That’s silly and impossible. So, how do you want to feel and what are you going to do to feel that way??
Strong? Then get stronger. Sweat. Run. Stretch. Lift things.
Grounded? Pray. Journal. Be alone with yourself.
Healthy? Make healthier choices. Explore new recipes and whole foods. Ditch the junk.
Carefree? Let go of the things that weigh you down. Seriously, Let. That. Shit. Go.
Sexy? Dance in your room, sing in the shower, wear red lipstick!
Give yourself permission to want what you want, with no shame, doubt, fear or hesitation.
Decide how you want to feel and do the things that will make you feel that way. That’s it. If it makes you feel anything other than how you want to feel, don’t do it.
If there is someone you do admire, tell them. Don’t sit there and beat yourself up about how you’re not as far along as them. There is no shame or embarrassment in admiring people. They give you something to work for. Just make sure you’re doing what you’re doing to be a better you, not a version of them.
We are all on our own journey and exactly where we need to be. Embrace the place where you are.
Remember, no matter who you’re looking to for inspiration, they also have tons of doubts, bad days, struggles and insecurities. They are human. You are human. We are all learning how to be better each day. And maybe, just maybe, you can begin to be the source of your greatest inspiration.
Don’t get caught in a web of comparison and envy. It simply isn’t worth it.
Just like brushing your teeth, self-love is recommended daily
So much love,
“Drop comparison. Even on the yoga mat. Someone can have a perfect handstand but messy life.” – Kathryn Budig